Funny Quotes

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
Bill Maher

To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
Ernest Hemingway

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
Quentin Crisp

There are only two things a child will share willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age.
Benjamin Spock

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
Nancy Mitford

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller

Menu for today's kids

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Sleeping Pilots?

Two pilots who flew past the airport in Hilo Hawaii by 15 miles are under investigation by aviation authorities to determine whether they were asleep during the incident.

Go! Airlines flight 1002 from Honolulu was expected to land in Hilo had to turn around after flying past the airport.

Air traffic controllers, whose had been tracking the plane by radar, were unable to reach the plane for 25 minutes. The pilots did return to the airport and landed safely. However, there was no indication that the pilots had to avoid landing because of other aircraft or weather.

The pilots may be subjected to a warning, suspension or license revocation depending on the findings.

So much of auto-pilot ehhhh……

April Fools' Day - Celebrated All Over The World

While it may not be celebrated on April 1, cultures all over have their version of this fun day.

• In Iran, people play jokes on each other on April 13, a day called Sizdah Bedar, the 13th day of the Persian calendar new year. It is believed that people should go out and play pranks on one another to escape the bad luck of the number 13 associated with the day. Sizdah Bedar, is the oldest prank tradition in the world still alive today, having been celebrated by the Persian as far back as 536 BC.

• In France, the April 1 tradition includes poisson d’avril (April’s Fish), an attempt to attach fish to the victim’s back without being noticed. This joke is also practiced in Italy.

• In Denmark, May 1 is known as Maj-Kat, meaning May-cat. This day is identical to April Fools’ Day, even though the Danes also celebrated the actual day.

• In the United Kingdom, Australia and New Zealand, you can only play a prank on someone before midday. If you do it after midday, you are considered the fool instead.

• In Rome, the equivalent of April Fools’ Day is celebrated in March 25. This day is known as the Festival of Hilaria, celebrating the resurrection of the god Attis. It is also known as the Roman Laughing Day.

• In India, people play jokes on one another and smear colors on each other during the Huli Festival, celebrated on March 31, to celebrate the arrival of spring.

• April Fools’ Day falls on the Sunday and Monday before Lent in Portugal. During this celebration, people throw flour at their friends.

Source : Pearl Magazine, Jusco, March 2008

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS' DAY !!!

Judgement Day

A traveling preacher said to a farmer, “Do you belong to a Christian family?”

“No,” he said “They live two farms down.”
“No, no, I mean are you lost?”
“No, I’ve been here thirty-five years.”
“I mean are you ready for Judgment Day?”
“When is it?”
“It could be today, tomorrow or next week.”
“Well when you find out for sure when it is, you let me know. My wife will probably want to go all the days!!”